Voxalice's game Reviews on Newgrounds

[Pico's School: Love Conquers All]

masterfully done mod of the original game. 5/5 would play again. wait that's the wrong reference

[Algorithm Crew: Episode 1]

I'm very surprised this ended up on Newgrounds, somehow! Feels good to be playing a real Flash game, after 2020, without that stupid layer of Ruffle.

[Last of 2K8]

My left arrow key is broken.

The LAST GAME OF 2008... and my left arrow key is broken.

[Stuck Inside]

I'm back, britches! I can play the last game of 2006 now, so here you go; I'm providing a professional review by your favorite professional reviewer, Voxalice.

First off, I hate to start out with criticism... but goddamn, this looks basic. Not a good first impression when the snow effect and the intro are the most advanced graphics!

Alright, ignoring that, how about I actually try to solve the puzzles.
LMAOOOO, no. Maybe it's just me, but I couldn't solve crap for my life. Yes, I genuinely used a walkthrough review for a few parts (although I did use my brain for some of them). Was your intent to make the game as sophisticated as possible, or am I really that stupid???

And all criticism aside, absolutely subtle and natural sponsorship, I didn't even notice I was being advertised to!

Okay, okay, I'll hold off on the criticism for a second, seriously. Praise incoming.
It's 3D. That's all that needs to be said.

You know what? All this could be chalked up to me not having fun with escape rooms. I don't know. But honestly, I didn't like this all too much anyway.

ESPECIALLY THE FRIGGIN """"PUZZLE"""" WHERE YOU CLICK ON ONE SPECIFIC PIXEL IN ONE SPECIFIC SPOT TO GET A NECESSARY KEY WHICH YOU NEED TO PROGRESS. THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY BRUTAL.

Okay, okay, maybe I just need to calm myself down! Escape room games aren't my entire life, it's fine. I can just accept that this game isn't for me, and move on.

...or I could write thousands of characters, all just to rate this game 5/10. Yeah, I think I'll do that.

So, to conclude in proper oldschool NG fashion, I'll give this game 6 ratings for each main point.

Graphics: 3 (the graphics are okay at best)
Sound: 0 (PFFFFFFffft hAHA)
Interactivity: 4 (as much as i can't be bothered to figure everything out, it's pretty interactive)
Style: 5 (3d graphics? it's a miracle)
Violence: 0 (no...)
Humor: 0 (damn bro you got the whole squad laughing)

To quote another incredible poet, "alright, i'm friggin stuck!!!"
...like glue.

[Wheel to Spin PLUS]

It's the last game from 2005, BABY!
And it's actually pretty good, whaddaya know?

I genuinely had fun trying to figure out solutions and kicking the CPU's butts, and for such a simple concept, this game has a lot of polish and a lot of fun.

Nearing the end, I was a little scared, because I got "REST__R_NT" and it was telling me to choose consonants. Thankfully, I eventually got the option to choose a vowel. But with me not having watched WoF much, that frightened me!

So, to conclude in proper oldschool Newgrounds fashion, I'll give this game 6 separate ratings for each main point.

Graphics: 6 (polished graphics)
Sound: 0 (i'll let this slide)
Interactivity: 5 (really cool game in general)
Style: 6 (polished... everything i guess)
Violence: 0 (none)
Humor: 0 (none)

To quote another great poet, "Very original"
You spin my head round, baby right round, like a record baby...

[Short Mini Game]

Love em or hate em, he made a short mini game in 15 minutes.
Okay, this is the very last game of 2004. Is it good? No. Is it bad? ...Yes.

That's not to say there was nothing fun about it, it just didn't have as much oomph as I would've hoped for. I suppose that 15 minute timeframe did limit your options a bit.

Quite easy as well; were you testing the game within those 15 minutes?

So, to finish off in proper oldschool NG fashion, I'm going to give this minigame six separate ratings for each of the main points.

Graphics: 5 (good for 15 minutes!)
Sound: 0 (can you help me find the sound?)
Interactivity: 2 (click in the right spots and press space a bunch. wow so interactive)
Style: 2 (meh)
Violence: 1 (if you can even consider lasers and spaceships violence)
Humor: 0 (hahaha so funny, i shot some space-planes)

To quote another great poet, "It took me 2 tries to beat it"
The original jitterclick, before jitterclick was invented!

[Jim Carrey Soundboard]

IT'S A SOUNDBOARD. Nuff said.
Last game of 2003, as well.

In order to conclude proper oldschool NG style, I'll give this interactive Flash six separate ratings for each main point.

Graphics: 5 (decent, especially for a soundboard)
Sound: 8 (IT'S A SOUNDBOARD.)
Interactivity: 1 (in all fairness, it's a soundboard)
Style: 4 (what i said in graphics, decent for a soundboard)
Violence: 0 (family-friendly soundboards, right)
Humor: 3 (pretty good soundboard overall ngl)

To quote another great poet, "we need to appreciate jim carrey"
The "out of context" trend before it was hip!

[Crap Os X]

Here's the last game of 2002! I'm just gonna start out with praise so I can smoothly transition into the bullsh-- I mean, crap.

To start, before I even played the game, I knew I was in for a treat. I'm using a Mac right now (10.14 gang), and I had to get used to its awkwardness (🚩). I have a feeling I'll agree with a lot of the stuff being parodied here. Skimming through the reviews, seems like you pissed off a few Mac users... a good sign.

Alright. I start out staring directly into a Clock Crew wallpaper, and a bunch of very nostalgic icons. I open the Help menu... BAM! Upselling. I open the Edit menu... BAM! Paywall. I go into the browser, open History... BAM! a death threat lmao

This parodied Apple's business practices to a good extent with all the pay-to-get jokes, although eventually it just turned into a parody of anything instead. I did enjoy the printer bit though :)

Phew! I can finally crap on all your hard work now! :D
/lighthearted

This looks nothing like literally any OS I've ever seen, except the top bar. I mean, come on, if you're gonna spoof an operating system, at least just make the UI resemble an operating system.

On top of that, a lot of the humor was just kinda dry and missed entirely, although some of it actually worked [ such as the printer joke :) ]

So, to conclude in proper oldschool Newgrounds fashion, I'll give this game 6 separate ratings for each main point.

Graphics: 4 (actually? pretty ok)
Sound: 3 (good)
Interactivity: 5 (certainly a lot to do, even if it was just pop-up boxes)
Style: 3 (i'm not really feeling this one)
Violence: 0 (the most gory part of this Flash was the quality)
Humor: 4 (it's aight)

To quote another great poet, "wasnt bad wasnt good it was meh.."
Welp, I guess you can say this OS is pretty CRAP, huh?

.

.

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I'll be here all week.

MrCongeniality responds:

Thank you! I really liked your review. I wish flash was still a thing because I was building an elaborate sequel to it, and I never finished it and Flash went away.

It's reviews like yours that inspire me to render a better product. I had some pretty good stunts in X2 (which parodies Vista). I'm sure I have the .fla file somewhere, and could build an entertaining video out of it.

[FRIDAY NIGHT FUNKIN']

Wow! Incredible game, I especially love the style of everything and the varied types of music!

[breakthru]

We need to know... WHO MADE THIS GAME AAAAA

Anyway, last game of 2001. Pretty anticlimactic if you ask me. Everything I said in my 2007 and 2000 reviews can be adapted pretty easily to fit this game. I can't say much, it's just a good old game o' Breakout.

So, to conclude in proper oldschool Newgrounds fashion, I'll give this game 6 separate ratings for each main point.

Graphics: 2 (gradients = good graphic design, clearly)
Sound: 0 (where)
Interactivity: 1 (even more basic than the others somehow)
Style: 2 (frankly, this looks and feels basic)
Violence: 0
Humor: 0

To quote another great poet, "Unoriginal but playable." That concludes my review.
You may be wondering why it has no substance, but let's all be real now... the game doesn't either!